In an unsurprising move demonstrated earlier today, Sinclair Corp. Minister for Diplomacy Korben Dallas announced a new appointment to the Sinclair Corp. Ministry. Jack Bauer is known for his ability to make any foreigner speak English and tell him where the bomb is, and upstaged Chuck Norris in a "count to infinity" contest.
Some of Bauer's new tasks as Minister include timely counter-terrorism, and a 24-hour crusade to remove April 1st from people's calendars (nobody fools Jack Bauer). Bauer's accpetance ceremony will take place between 2:00 PM and 3:00 PM on the 1st of July.
In a long due move by the United States’ government, a new campaign is being presented to the American public in a move to unite the world into a fresh start. Year Zero is a plan for re-birth of America’s social and political systems, with revolutionary new definitions of public safety. With the aid of the Coalition for Peace, we are in the midst of exciting national reform. To stand as one against the fear, hate and mistrust of the world; to stand up and be counted as holders of the faith.
The Coalition of Peace, in a move anticipated by corporation executives, started seeking endorsement from Sinclair Corp late last week. After late evening meetings, where multiple doughnut boxes were opened, the two groups reached an accord in deciding on the details of the Sinclair chapter of the Year Zero campaign. Sinclair Corp. workmen were later seen posting massive "Year Zero" banners to the side of many Sinclair Corp billboards, in a dedicated move using nine 1-inch nails per banner.
Yes, there is something in the water; it’s your new immune system. Who needs another version of the truth? Year Zero will lead the world into a new start – zero tolerance, zero fear!
-T
With the looming crisis facing the nation's stray cats under a new Backstreet Obstruction scheme to be implemented in cities everywhere, plans are currently being written up to take care of the other side of the problem. The plan to remove stray cats (lacking Pet ID microchips implanted in their necks) from city streets was "never designed to have such a hole in its back-end", a Sinclair Corp. spokesman said last week. Original plans had no description for what to do with cats and kittens collected through this method, because a proper method to keep them in captivity had not been established.
This new cat shelter, to be located in the Epsilon quadrant with a capacity for over 150 stray cats, will provide comfortable sleeping and eating areas for all cats, along with a neo-zoo style nature area and veterinarian surgery.
Critics have argued that Sinclair Corp has no reason to keep such a centre unless it were planning on taking unfair advantage of the feline inhabitants, though Sinclair Corp. holds the viewpoint that Pet ID Plusgood microchips, known to be safe and unobtrusive, are not an invasion of privacy for cat owners.
The Pet ID Plusgood chips contain limited monitoring and transmission equipment to help keep track of the cats' movements and report back if cats end up roaming the streets. When long-time Sinclair Corp. skeptic Alana Kloss suggested that the technology could be used to spy on families, she was boycotted by a Sinclair Corp. spokeswoman for not caring about the wellbeing of stray cats and kittens. Kloss was escorted from the area by Minister O'Brien, concerned that she would make a scene.
Last week, amid fears that the SinCare© candidate Blighton South Childrens' Hospital would be unable to support construction of a new planned intensive care wing, a surprise donation was made by Sinclair Corp. Delivered in person by Sinclair Corp.'s minister for finances, Rich Uncle Pennybags, the undisclosed amount (greater than $200,000, sources say) was delivered in a woven bag with a large dollar sign printed on the side.
"The Blighton South Childrens' Hospital gratefully accepts the sponsorship of Sinclair Corp for construction of our new intensive care wing", the hospital's Matriach Erin Nelson said at an acceptance speech. "And I'm sure that once construction is complete, we will be able to provide a cheerful, caring and safe wing of care for all admitted children". Pennybags then presented the Matriach with a short contract, which she signed.
Blighton South Childrens' Hospital is the 8th hospital in the Capital Unit state to be accepted into the SinCare© program, the most recent after Metropolis Domestic Treatments accepted a large donation in December. The reasons behind last year's treatment contamination scare, which caused the treatments facility to expel most on-hand supplies, are still not known.
The world-renowned Immunisation Plan, refined over the last 5 years by Sinclair Corp scientists and doctors, features some of the strongest personal antibodies and blood-nanites known to man. The most recent changes to the Immunisation Plan guarantee protection against newly discovered DNA viruses, which have become increasingly apparent since September 2005.
Immunisation Plan subscription is guaranteed to employees of Sinclair Corp. and their families, as well as beneficiaries of the SinCare© program. The general population are encouraged to visit a local hospital or treatment centre to invest in an Immunisation Plan for themselves and their families, to protect themselves from today's world. The Immunisation Plan consists of a subscription of injections and augmentations to the human immune system. The augmentations include the introduction of blood-nanites, which more efficiently coordinate the flow of antibodies and other ailment-fighting material.
Sinclair Corp. discourages viruses and disease treatments that aren't covered by the Immunisation Plan, due to personal safety reasons.
In a publication headed by Sinclair Corp. chairman Tass Sinclair, the realities of world domination under Sinclar Corp. are laid down in a well-structured guide. Presented to the United Earth Directorate for the means of keeping the public informed, the guide is available in electronic format here.
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